Psst. Be the Helper.
Fred Rogers was a Presbyterian minister, author, producer, and the beloved creator and
television host of the long-running Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Although I’m too old to have ever been in his target audience, I used to watch the show with my younger siblings.
Later in graduate school, I viewed a study that recorded children watching this show and other children’s programming. I won’t name the other programs, but you are familiar with them. Children interacted with Mr. Rogers. They played and listened and sang along. With most of the other shows, they retreated into chairs often holding comfort items, somewhat stunned by the frenetic pace. In case you’re wondering, the reaction to Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood is the healthier response.
I have two favorite stories about Fred Rogers. This first is about his meeting KoKo the gorilla in 1998. He sat with her and talked to her. KoKo was a fan of his show and knew Mr. Rogers changed his shoes at the beginning of every episode. Before teaching Mr. Rogers to sign “I love you,” KoKo wanted him to remove his shoes. Although not proven (or disproven), the second story begins when Mr. Rogers’ car was stolen off the streets in Pennsylvania. When the story aired, the thieves returned the car to the same spot with an apology: “Sorry, we didn’t know it was yours.”
Toward the end of The Art of Love at Blackwater Pond, I include a reference to Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, but today I want to focus on what is arguably the most quoted line from this very kind man: “Look for the helpers.” Mr. Rogers related that when he was a boy and was scared by things he saw on the news, his mother would tell him to locate the people who were helping.
It’s good advice for children, but we adults obviously need to do more than look for the helpers in trying times. We need to be the helpers. Maybe we are not physically able to rush into a burning building and rescue those inside, but we can call 911. We can’t solve the hunger problem in our country, but we can donate food. We can’t erase divisiveness and anger and hatred from news stories, but we can treat others with compassion and help those in need.
Like many people, I grew up hearing “God helps those who help themselves.” Though often attributed to one or the other, this quotation is neither from the Bible nor Benjamin Franklin. Similar sayings can be traced back to ancient Greek literature and Aesop’s Fables.
I believe we are meant to help others, and there are reasons to do so beyond reasons of faith, compassion for community, or concern about humanity. Helping others is physically and mentally beneficial for the helper!
Generosity makes us happy; Our brains release endorphins when we perform acts of kindness. Helping others lowers our blood pressure, helps us manage stress, and promotes longevity. Helping our neighbors or community or world boosts our self-esteem, develops our confidence, and promotes a sense of belonging.
Struggling with a rapidly changing political situation, personal health issues, family trials, financial concerns, or fears for personal autonomy can leave us feeling paralyzed, unable to help ourselves, much less others. But we can start small.
Be unfailingly polite to people we meet or speak with over the phone; Smile at strangers; Compliment the cook; Check-in with a neighbor; Pick up litter; Share a song or a poem or a book that makes you happy.
As your tension fades and your heart rate slows, do a little more. Laugh with a friend; Donate some food or clothing and be grateful you have enough; Pay it forward; Show empathy; Write a letter letting someone know how much you admire them.
The thing about emotions is that they are contagious. If everyone around us is acting in fear or anger or hate, we are affected by that. Instead, we can be the helper, be the light, “be the change [we] want to see in the world,” as Mahatma Gandhi said. Because positive emotions are contagious too. Remember Kurt Kaiser’s old song, “Pass it on”? “It only takes a spark to get a fire going...That’s how it is with God’s love.”
I truly don’t think God wants our righteous indignation. Instead, I believe God wants us to “be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another (Ephesians 4:32) and where possible, “as far it depends on [us], live peaceably with all (Romans 12:18).
Why not find a way to be a helper today, and then pass that good feeling along?